Diary of a First Time Mom

Archive for the ‘Baby Whisperer Diary’ Category

Well I don’t even remember how many days it has been since we started the E.A.S.Y schedule.  My time is measured in clusters of hours right now, and not days.  But the schedule thing seems to be working out quite well.  We adjusted it a bit to suit us, as there were too many back-to-back feedings at the end of the day, and I found I was getting stressed and even dreading 4pm when I would have 4 feeds, 2 hours apart.  Too much!  The poor kid never got time to nap.  And the thing is, he was a good sleeper even before we started the Baby Whisperer’s techniques!  So Scott and I were like, why are we messing with something that’s not broken?!

The reason I started it was because I had read that if babies wake up in the night, they did not get enough to eat in the day.  Should have kept reading, as it went on to say that up until 6 or 8 weeks, their little tummies are not big enough to hold enough milk to last them through the night.  So they wake up around 2-3am and then again at 4-6am.  Wyatt was waking up at 3:30 am every night, and then again at 6:30 am or 7am.  Gah!  We had it good BEFORE E.A.S.Y.!  The one thing it has helped is his sleep patterns.  We now have a sleep routine!  So after his activity time, we sit quietly and transition to a more relaxed state, and then I lay him down and kiss him goodnight.  Sometimes he fusses, and I can settle him.  Sometime I can’t settle him at all.  Sometimes he’s out like a light.  But what I have learned is it is always different and always changing.  And we roll with it.

So.  Now that has settled down, I have decided to take on the next challenge.  People who don’t want to read about breast feeding, stop here.  I promise not to get too graphic.  And no, there will be no photos, so don’t even ask…

At the hospital, we had a hard time with “latch-on” (getting Wyatt to breast feed).  So they gave us a plastic shield to put over the nipple and make it easier for him and me.  This was a great thing as I already stressed about being a “bad mom” by not getting enough food to my baby.  He was jaundiced and not peeing, and you may recall we had to do an ultrasound to check his kidneys, and on and on it went.  So we went home and continued to use this shield.  What I did not know, and learned very quickly, is that any pattern you start out, takes time to change.  That combined with giving Wyatt 1-2 bottles of pumped milk each day (to give me a break and allow Dad and Grandmas to get a chance to feed him as well) made it harder to eventually teach him to latch-on properly.  All these weeks I have been ignoring this fact, as we had other things to deal with, like my healing and getting him into a routine.

So now comes the time to get him to attach to the boob sans plastic.  And he doesn’t want to.  I will go off on a tangent here and say that when he cries, my perception of time changes.  I found out one day, after finally getting him settled, that he had really only been crying for 5 minutes.  Five  minutes!?!  How could that be?  It felt like hours!  (Probably doesn’t help that nature has it setup to make me want to cry when I hear him cry…  but I digress).  So I decided it was time to wean him off the plastic nipple shield.  The timing must have been good, because around the same time, he started resisting it, wiggling and knocking it off with his hands.

Here is the timeline of events:

I decide to wean him off the shield.
I try at our next feed.  No dice.  He screams.  I use the shield.  I feel crap about it.
I try at the next feed.  Shampoo, rinse, repeat.
I try at the next feed.  He latches to me.  Victory!  It lasts about 30 seconds.  I use the shield.  I feel crap about it.

Again, in the spirit of full disclosure (I stated earlier in this blog that I would aim to be as honest about this as I can), I cried each time it didn’t work.  Each time I cried, it probably only lasted about 5 minutes.  But it seemed longer.

So that was yesterday.

This morning at his first feed, we tried again without luck.  I fed the whole time with the shield and actually had the words go through my mind “I hate this shield.”  I’m pretty sure that was a crappy meal for  Wyatt.  I know what stress and food combined can do to the body.  No bueno.

The next feed was a little better, in that he latched on for a minute or so before freaking out.  Scott suggested I feed him long before he is due to make sure he is not starving when we try to learn something new.  This is a good idea!

So I went to shower and get ready for the day.  I had to come to terms with the idea that I may not be able to do this, and I found it very upsetting.  But I had a feeling that I could make it work.  And gave myself a pep talk.

The thing is, my mind can be a very destructive thing.  It says things like -I’m a bad mom. -I can’t do this. -It will never work. -I’m starving and stressing out  my kid.  And all the while, it pretends to be me.  Making this realization, I decided to ignore these thoughts.  Long ago, I had been given a sticker that says “You don’t have to believe everything you think.” and for the longest time I did not know what it meant.  I do now.

And we tried again.  And it didn’t work.  So we gave him 4 ounces of pumped milk (his usual bottle is 3 oz).  And he was quiet and happy and playing.  Then something happened.  A voice said to me to try again.  Not the same ‘voice in the head’ that tells me I am not good enough.  This was a voice that seemed to come from my solar plexus region.  My gut instinct, maybe?  Try again, it said.  I dismissed this thought as he just ate and could not possibly still be hungry.

TRY again.

I paused.  Considered the source.  And tried again.  And would you believe it…  it worked!  He latched on properly and fed with no assistance!  For ten minutes.  Hey, good enough for me!  Then it was time for his nap.  And so I decided to feed him two hours apart (instead of three) to make sure he was in a better mood to ‘try something new’.  I woke him up an hour before he was due for his next meal, and after several attempts, he latched on again!

Since then, each time it has been easier and easier.  I know now that every time will be different.  And even when we think, we ‘got it’ there will be setbacks.  And new patterns.  Or he will change his mind.  But the biggest thing I realized is that regardless of what happens, I am a good mom.  It does not matter if I can breastfeed or not.  As long as I do my best by my child.

I think I will attempt to stop beating myself up over every little thing now, and go and enjoy spending time with my baby.

PS:  BIG BIG thanks to all my girlfriends who have given me tonnes of support and advise.  No woman is an island, and it is wonderful to know that support is out there!  xoxo

Baby Whisperer Techniques Diary – Day One Recap and into Day Two

Yesterday we started implementing the techniques from the book The Baby Whisperer.  It follows the idea that babies need a routine.  I agree with this and so we are giving it a try.  The book says that if your baby wakes up in the middle of the night to feed, he did not get enough to eat in the day.  Hmmm.  I found this intriguing.  Especially since Wyatt’s doctor said he could use a few more pounds on him for his age.

Up until last night, Wyatt has been waking up once at about 3:30 am each night.  I would feed him in the day every three hours, ending with a bottle feed at around midnight.  The new schedule has him on a 3 hour feeding schedule until 4pm.  Then I am supposed to feed him at 4pm, 6pm and 8pm, ending with a “dream feed” (where you don’t wake him to feed him) at 10pm before putting him back to bed.  After about a week on this, he should sleep through to 5 or 6am.  Sounds like heaven.  The only thing is, Scott has been feeding Wyatt at 3:30am most nights.  So when we started this last night, he woke up at 2am.  I managed to drag it out until 4:15am when I finally got up to feed him.  So now I am in the world of being up at 2am, 3am, 3:15am, 4am, 4:15 am until 5:30 am.  Then up again at 7am to start day two of the new schedule.

No problem, I said!  I will feed him and go to bed right afterwards and have about 90 mins of continuous sleep to recharge me for the next feed at 10am.  Ha.  Ha.  Ha…  Well, I cut corners as I was so tired.  Instead of feeding him for the recommended 45 minutes (the E of E.A.S.Y.), I cut it to 30.  Then I did not do the recommended 30 minutes of activity time (The A of E.A.S.Y.).  So needless to say, the S (for sleep) was compromised.  Got 20 mins of sleep before he woke up, mad and overtired and unable to get back to sleep.  I did the big no-no and took him to bed with me finally, after about 45 mins of unsuccessful calming techniques.  Even then he was unhappy.  So I fed him half an hour early.  Then we had an extra 15 mins of activity time which included changing his diaper and clothes.  Yes, I changed him into ‘day’ clothes so even though I am still in my pajamas, my son looks like he is ready to go to the mall.

Action Shot

And then he started to yawn.  Hurray!  So I followed instructions and took the cues of his sleepiness.  I got him all swaddled up.

(sidenote:  I think the term “swaddled” should also be used as a replacement for “hammered”.  It just sounds right.  “Last night I got totally swaddled.”  Or, “I want to get chocolate swaddled!” for you Adam Sandler fans.)

Continuing with the instructions, I held him upright in his swaddle for a few minutes in the room he sleeps in (ahem, our room, but in his own bassinet) so he could transition between all the action of changes and dancing (see photo above), to the calm environment that he could relax in and go to sleep.

Then I put him in his bed.  He took a big breath as if to start yelling but then didn’t.  Probably because he was SO tired from not sleeping the last time.  Anyway, I sat there and watched as he settled down, needing a bit of reassurance from me.  But not much.  And then his eyes started to close.  I can’t tell you how great that feels to see your baby finally drift off to sleep by himself.  Like I had put a man on the moon!  That left me about 2 hours to myself.  I still have not napped, but I had a big breakfast!

Funny.  I had planned on writing my first BW (Baby Whisperer) entry about how it’s been a nightmare.  But really it hasn’t.  Sometimes it just seems like it.  For example, when he cries and I can’t fix his problem, it seems like it goes on forever.  But when I look at the clock it may have only been five minutes.  Amazing what perspective can do.

I think this schedule thing will work after we stick to it for a while.  The only thing I have trouble with is how many times I feed him, so close together.  But that too will get easier.  I look forward to that blissful morning when I wake up to discover that he has slept all the way though.  (He did this once a few weeks ago, but I think it was a fluke)

Until then, I will enjoy the ride!